Smitten
I have a couple friends who have recently gained boyfriends. That being said, I have been part of many "smitten" conversations. It has made me miss my boy even more, and think about all the things he does that makes my heart skip. I definitely know why people say being in love is the greatest thing ever. And not just for the deep intimate parts, sometimes it's just really really fun. I'm so happy that a bunch of my friends are feeling this way about other people. It's very cool, and I'm also really glad that I have my cute boy to make my heart skip!

A Bit Less Confusion
I know it's only been like 14 hours or something since I last posted but I'm already feeling a lot better then I was last night. It seems to me that I'm always going to be learning more about who I am and God's plan for me. And lately it really feels like I can't look at anyone else's life or what other people think is the"right" thing to do and assume that that's what God wants me to do too. Michael always tells me that he doesn't think anyone else in the world is even remotely the same as me. Well I think that God feels the same way because His plan for me doesn't usually fit into anyone's box either. So last night I did a lot of praying and talking to God and I'm really feeling a lot better about this whole situation. I'm not gonna say what it is that I've decided to do on the off chance that I once again change my mind. Let's just say I'm feeling a lot better and excited again and I think that everything is going to work out great. I'm just glad I have a God to rely on for the answers instead of trying to figure it out for myself! lol

Confusion
Lately I've been really confused and stuck feeling. See I've been trying to decide if I should join the Furnace or not. It's a huge commitment and I'm really trying to figure out if it's something that God would have me do. Part of me has been really wanting to do it, but I'm not sure why I want to. Is it because Michael is so enthusiastic about it? Am I trying to prove to God and those around me that I'm actually as on fire for Him as I should be? Or is it because I just really want to take this next year and grow in Him? Honestly I'm not sure what the answer is. There's also the option of getting involved with a small group from the Mill, and getting really involved with the Mill itself. They have tons of small groups to chose from, and it's not as big of a commitment. But am I just looking at those because I'm too scared to join the Furnace? Am I just not willing/don't want to give that much time away since I really value my down time? Again I honestly don't know. It's really frustrating because I truly truly want to do whatever God has planned for me. I know whatever it is that I will be ok and in the words of Michael, "everything will work out." I do believe that He will give me the grace to do either programs if it's what He wants me to do. But at this point I haven't felt peace about any of it. I'm just really confused and honestly scared about what I should do. I just really don't want to make the wrong decision. I've been having this desire to become who God wants me to be lately, and I don't want to get "left behind" when so many of my friends are growing so much in Him. I just don't know what or how God wants me to spend the next year with Him. I guess I should just stop thinking so much about it and relax. Either way if I'm doing it for Him then I'm sure it's going to be ok. I know He doesn't compare me to everyone else, and His plan for others isn't necessarily His plan for me. His love for me won't change no matter what I do. I guess I just don't want to regret not doing the Furnace, and I don't want to get involved with it and then get burned out from it because with work and everything else going on in my life it's too much. I'm just going to have to go somewhere quiet and really seek what God wants me to do. At this point I'm so confused about everything that I guess all there is left to do is trust Him. I hear that when you get to the point where all you have to rely on is God it's the best place to be. So if I go at it from that angle I'm in a great spot!!